This is gonna be a l0o0ng pointless entry. so bye bye semua =P
And bye bye to you too Kak Nazirah. How dare you say I'm whiny! Gah....... Okay yes, this entry is all about whining. gah bye.
Recently, I came across this one quote from some famous guy / philosopher (not that i care which).
"For those who fight for it, life has a flavor that the sheltered will never taste." ....... Well, along that line lah.
So I couldn't help but keep pondering over it.
In the long bus ride to work.
At the desk, while staring blankly at the computer screen.
In the short 5 min MRT ride back home.
And all that just because I wanted to know what is that flavor the person is talking about. Do you need to reach a certain age to finally feel it? Or at this age of 19, it's already time for me to get a taste of the forbidden fruit, yet I just happen to be under the category of 'sheltered'.
Then again, how am I in any way 'sheltered'? I worked my ass off for everything that I have. Even back in primary/secondary school, I was never able to get anything easily. Either I proved myself to the mom academically, or did something nice for her.
I still can remember that one time in primary 6, I threw a tantrum for something that I cannot even remember now, and gosh, I swear I'm not lying when I tell you that I was lucky to still be alive now, ... and of course not having to deal with any scars on this already imperfect body of mine.
And no, wipe off those impressions you guys are having of the mum. She wasn't mean or abusive or whatever sort. I guess, at that point of time, she was under a lot of pressure to prove to everyone that even without the dad, she could still raise me and mould me to become like the rest of the already-adult siblings. I just wished that I could have realized this sooner and make things easier for her then.
I want to be able to taste the real flavor of life, because all i'm tasting now is blandness.
I wonder what's my purpose in life.
I'm the youngest kid in the family, so nobody is really depending on me financially or emotionally.
And I won't call my group of friends, however tight we may be, interdependent of each other. We sometimes go days without saying 'Hi', so again nobody really needs me.
Of course, it would be foolish of me to say that people don't need me. I guess you can say that, I'm like a year-end bonus. I'm wanted, and dreamed of (hee hee.) and people will get distraught when they don't get their year-end bonus, but then they get over it. The bonus will be mentioned now and then to express their regrets and what-ifs, but life goes on.
I'm not making any sense, am I? Let's just leave it here for now. I still haven't talk about the effing scholarship... and I don't even know why I want it.
fuck.
i say fuck a lot these days.
Rodi's bad influence is getting to me. Gah that dethroned Queen B.
fuck.
oh and hello to the nice people who tag at my board. you all are nice people. happy hari raya to you too. come down to my house to visit any day, preferably weekdays cause i won't be at home then. =)